A must-not-have list for the fashion conscious
By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, KennettTimes.com
Dear Santa,
I have been a (relatively) good girl this year.
For example:
1. I try not to scream at my children (in public)
2. I always put my shopping cart back in the little holding area after grocery shopping (even in the rain)
3. I never let people see me rolling my eyes when they act like morons.
I know that you normally get letters enumerating items that people WANT. Well, I like a lot of very pretty things, and it’s safe to say that it may overwhelm you. SO, in light of that fact, I’ve decided to make a list of presents that I absolutely, positively do NOT want this Christmas:
- Pajama jeans (LOVE that they have a “dark wash” option. Like THAT makes them desirable?)
- Crocs…especially if they are fur lined! HOLY MOSES
- Sequined UGGS (just overkill in my opinion)
- A chocolate diamond heart pendant from the mall (I don’t care if it was designed by Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)
- Sweatpants with words across the backside (really?? Why do girls wear these?)
- Clip on fake hair pony tail extensions
- Clip on feather extensions (Pocahontas is soooooo 1600’s)
- Antibacterial smelly soaps from a bath shop that take the first layer of skin off of your hands
- Athletic black knee socks (although my boys would very much like some)
- Press on nails
- A pink Eagles sweatshirt (just ugly and they stink anyway)
- Clogs
- Frosty mauve lipstick
- Patchouli perfume
Well, that about covers it. Hopefully, you still have time to laminate this list and wear it on a lanyard around your neck. Heaven knows that I don’t want you to confuse me with someone who may want these things as gifts under their tree. Because, even though I write a fashion article every blessed week in the Unionville/Kennett Times, I still see it out on the streets.
Stay warm in that sleigh! I think that you look fabulous in red…although, I would lose the black belt and go with a cheetah print instead. Spice it up for the holiday!
Have Mrs. Claus call me. She needs to replace the shapeless dress with a pencil skirt and cashmere twin set. Some knee high black Tory Burch boots wouldn’t hurt. And, she could use an appointment at the salon for some hair coloring….perhaps a few highlights? Just a suggestion.
As always, thanks for working long hours to make everyone happy on Christmas morning.
Merry Christmas to all!
Love,
Kelly
