By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times
‘Twas the Sunday before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
And Santa asked Kelly “What should I put in there?”
“Well, Santa” said Kelly. “It’s no problem at all. Just give me your AMEX and KOP Mall.”
Her eyes- how they twinkled! Her dimples so merry
And the scarf ‘round her neck was (of course) a Bur-berry
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
The thrill of such shopping created a glow
She had a thin face and a sore little belly
From all that Cross Fit that had turned her to jelly
She spoke not a word and went straight to her work
Filled up the stockings then turned with a jerk
And placing a hand ever slight on her hip
Walked slowly toward Santa and stuck out her lip
“I’ve forgotten MY stocking” she said with a sigh
“And now it’s too late, we are ready to fly”
“My dear” said Santa. “I’m a fan of U’Times”
“I read your rants weekly and hear all of your whines”
“JCrew and Sephora to name but a few”
“Oh, Santa, you know me!” “You really, really do!”
They sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
And away they both flew, like the down of a thistle
And Kelly exclaimed as they drove out of sight
Happy Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!
