{"id":10406,"date":"2014-01-19T06:00:52","date_gmt":"2014-01-19T11:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/?p=10406"},"modified":"2014-01-18T10:17:06","modified_gmt":"2014-01-18T15:17:06","slug":"my-terrible-secret-the-bachelor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/?p=10406","title":{"rendered":"My terrible secret: The Bachelor"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yes, it’s bad. But there are important life lessons, here, right?<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, The Times<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\"UTKellyRev2Column\"<\/a>I have a secret.<\/p>\n

And, it\u2019s bad.\u00a0 Really, really bad.<\/p>\n

I watch \u201cThe Bachelor.\u201d<\/p>\n

I KNOW!\u00a0 I KNOW! \u00a0Stop judging!\u00a0 It is just SO DARN ENTERTAINING.\u00a0 But, there are also lessons to be learned, ladies\u2026.so, pull up a chair for my assessment of this train-wreck of a show:<\/p>\n

\"Kelly1\"<\/a>Meet \u201cJuan Pablo\u201d.\u00a0 That is not his first and last name\u2026just his first, but, like \u201cMadonna\u201d, his last name is irrelevant.<\/p>\n

He is (allegedly) a Venezuelan soccer star.\u00a0 No idea if this is true and who really cares?\u00a0 His eyes are dangerously close together (untrustworthy?) but his accent is intriguing and he has good hair, for sure.<\/p>\n

If you have never had the privilege of seeing an episode, a gaggle of poorly clothed women throw themselves (9 times out of 10 in a drunken stupor) at one man in the hopes of an ENORMOUS engagement ring\u00a0 and a proposal of marriage after about 6 weeks of laying eyes on this guy.<\/p>\n

The women live commune-style in an ABC brothel (I mean mansion) and wait for word on when \u201cThe Bachelor\u201d would like to take them on a date.<\/p>\n

The \u201clucky\u201d girls get \u201cone on one\u201d time with Juan Pablo.\u00a0 In last week\u2019s episode, JP took Clare to a spa night featuring a hot tub surrounded by fake snow (they film in LA).\u00a0 Naturally, Clare has to be in a bikini on national TV, which I am sure will not horrify her grandchildren someday.\u00a0 As if things could not get more \u201cfairy tale-ish\u201d (the phrase fairy tale is used no less than 100 times an episode), some dude from the X Factor pops out of the (fake) snowy forest to serenade them. \u00a0Please watch because it is just too much for words\u2026<\/p>\n

\"Kelly2\"<\/a><\/p>\nhttp:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=EWyrLXAIF2g<\/a>\n

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At this point, I am usually screaming at the TV about how this is NOT reality and that you have \u201cnever been on such a great date before\u201d because YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR NETWORK PAY FOR YOUR DATE BEFORE!\u00a0 And, it will NEVER happen again.<\/p>\n

Why am I watching???<\/p>\n

The really crazy part is that these girls on the \u201cone-on-one\u2019s\u201d must PACK THEIR SUITCASE before leaving on the date in case he does NOT offer them a rose, in which case they are booted immediately from the show.<\/p>\n

Ummmmm, excuse me?\u00a0 Yes, you heard that right.<\/p>\n

As if that concept wasn\u2019t enough to blow your mind, I present to you the \u201cgroup date\u201d where Juan Pablo gets to take 13 girls (at once) for a polygamous soiree of his choosing.\u00a0 In this episode, it was the opportunity to have a photo shoot (sounds glamorous & fun) where the women were to dress up like dogs to promote dog adoption via \u00a0\u201cBest Friends Animal Society\u201d\u00a0 (slightly not so fun).<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t make this stuff up.<\/p>\n

\"Kelly3\"<\/a>\u00a0My favorite part of the show, however, is the rose ceremony at the end of the hour.\u00a0 The women dress in their tiniest sequin pageant dresses and spray waaaaaaaay too much hairspray and self-tanner on themselves.\u00a0 Juan Pablo breezes in, announces one girl at a time (which is drawn out so long, you can see sweat forming on the upper lips of these women) and offers her a rose and the opportunity to stay for yet another week.\u00a0 Oh, thank you, Juan Pablo! I DO accept this rose!<\/p>\n

The women who are NOT chosen are followed by cameramen to capture their devastation.\u00a0 Never mind that they have been exposed to Juan Pablo for a mere 15 minutes, they are reduced to weepy messes saying things like \u201cI really put myself out there.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI bared my soul and just don\u2019t understand why I can\u2019t find love.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI felt a connection with Juan Pablo.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m afraid that I will end up alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

These women are in their mid-twenties for heaven\u2019s sake.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have a good explanation for why I feel compelled Monday after Monday to turn on Channel 6.\u00a0 Perhaps, it is reaffirm my belief that the best way to meet the love of your life is in a genuine situation\u2026not a contrived or phony one\u2026<\/p>\n

Do YOU watch?\u00a0 Leave your comments below.<\/p>\n

Happy Weekend!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yes, it’s bad. But there are important life lessons, here, right? By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times I have a secret. And, it\u2019s bad.\u00a0 Really, really bad. I watch \u201cThe Bachelor.\u201d I KNOW!\u00a0 I KNOW! \u00a0Stop judging!\u00a0 It is just SO DARN ENTERTAINING.\u00a0 But, there are also lessons to be learned, ladies\u2026.so, pull up a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10408,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,4],"tags":[3851,3853,868,3852,3850,3849],"class_list":["post-10406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-dating","tag-guilty-pleasures","tag-reality-tv","tag-red-rose","tag-sequins","tag-the-bachelor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10406"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10406\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kennetttimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}