When you feel beautiful, you are
By Nancy Plummer, Columnist, The Times
We’ve all encountered more than our fair share of unsolicited romantic advice from friends, from family, and (most brazenly) from drunken friends of the family! But with contradicting and archaic advice mixed in with the helpful hints, it’s hard to figure out which tips we should discard and which we should hold onto and implement in our own lives.
Obviously in this day and age “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” is not the most realistic (or fun) platitude to pass-on or follow. And the “if he’s mean to you that’s because he likes you” play-ground logic, which somehow found its way into the adult-relationship column; if followed will result in your dating a big toddler, rather than a gentleman.
Instead, the litmus test of which advice to follow should be: does it empower you?
I still remember the advice my grandmother gave me when I was ten, “If you want to be happy in life and with a man, be sexy in and out of the bedroom.” I’ve tried to live by it ever since.
Although she used the word “sexy” she wasn’t telling me to dress like a hooker. Translated into today’s vernacular, she simply meant I should try to feel and look beautiful every moment of my life.
When I have female clients that are new to the dating world, I always tell them, “It’s time to start taking care of you again, and never stop.” So how do you start?
I start by giving my clients a “Head-to-Toe” worksheet to fill out. Whatever your budget, let’s start at the top and work down, and see what you think you need to do to make yourself feel beautiful. Although it sounds obvious, most people have never thought this out fully. By putting it down on paper and determining how to accomplish it, you allow yourself to see how a few simple changes can make a big impact. Now, dare yourself to go for it!
Some of the more popular observations and notes are:
Hair – Get a new sexy look. If you color your hair make sure you never let the gray show! As for other body hair, either get yourself a good razor and get into a daily regimen of shaving in the shower, or look into laser hair removal to make life easy.
Face – For women who are into a “natural” appearance, definitely purchase anti-wrinkle serum, and at least consider getting a little Botox just to get rid of the lines between your eyes (known as “angry lines”). It’s remarkable the difference in the way men and women will perceive you when the “angry lines” are gone. As for makeup, ask a friend whose image you like for help, or go to Sephora, Mac or the Mall and have them assist you.
Eyes – Consider purchasing new glasses or contacts or even colored contacts. Always bring a friend along for honest feedback.
Eyebrows – Get a good professional to do your eyebrows – it’s about $7 and it’ll frame your face and give you a great clean look.
Neck – Most women forget that our necks usually give our age away, so keep putting on sunscreen and moisturize daily.
Breasts – Keep them looking perky by getting a good bra (preferably a pushup), getting in good workouts with weights, and maybe even getting an augmentation or a lift. If you do want to get breast implants, do it for you not for a man.
Body – Get out there and exercise in every way you can and have fun – maybe take up a new sport or energetic hobby! As for losing weight, just remember to keep it simple (e.g. no eating after 8pm). Also, realize that muscle weighs more than fat but looks much better!
Fingers and Toes – There’s nothing like a good mani-pedi to make you feel feminine and put together – indulge.
Remember: there are ways to keep your expenses down so you can do this even on a budget – from Groupons for Botox, to consignment shopping for updating your wardrobe, to $5 weights at Five Below to get in shape in your home – it takes dedication not necessarily money to get you feeling fabulous.
It’s time to focus on you, and give yourself the attention you deserve. Make yourself beautiful for you, and show the world the woman you truly are.
Go for it girls – you’re worth it!
Nancy Plummer is Founder of the Elite Empowerment & Education Council, empowering individuals and groups to transform their personal and professional lives.
